Write Your Divorce Story for your legal/personal file

Aloha,

This is me three years ago. I had boarded a plane from Hong Kong utterly shattered. In fact, I had missed my layover flight from Seoul to the US despite being right at the gate — they were calling my name over and over on the loudspeaker (I found out later) and I was on the phone completely thrashed and talking to a friend and didn’t hear anything. I had to spend the night in the airport. Everything was shut. I finally found the overnite hotel there and checked in for about 5 hours. I took this picture when I got on the plane and sent it to my mom saying, “Mom, I deserve more out of life.”

I landed in Hawai’i, called around, and talked to lawyers and my ex was served papers when he stepped off the plane about a month later.

FLASH FORWARD

This is me a few weeks ago. I just got out of the water near Waikiki. Three years is a lifetime.

If you would have told me I would feel this good back then, I would never have believed you. I am not the same person. I went through a massive transition. One of my old friends said that obviously, my entire system got rewired when I divorced and she was right. I really do like my life so very much.

Life is not problem free, but the big problem (the ex) is GONE. And I came to see that he was, in fact, the physical real-life manifestation of my doubt, fear, insecurity, and anxiety. I had married my nemesis. Yep.

Worries do come up. Like about 3 months ago I was worried. OH no, the Kid XYZ. My business XYZ. My family XYZ. Will I…Should I…Will I…

You know once you start that train of doubt it gets really crazy.

SNAP OUT OF IT

Then I thought about it very deeply and said this: STEPH SNAP OUT OF IT. And weirdly, I did within a day or two. Why?

Because the person who would keep Steph in that old zone of bad vibes and fear is no longer around!

YOU GOT THIS

So I said to myself: STEPH, YOU GOT THIS. No need to feel that doubt because why should you? The person who exemplified doubt and made you feel it every second of the day is no longer around.

I stopped doubting.

STAND UP NOW

This kind of bossing myself around worked really well when I went out surfing because I was just trying to stand up and hesitated and then I yelled out to myself: STAND UP NOW!

And then I stood up!

There are days when I am just thinking WOW. I feel awesome. Because for the most part, I do. I am not going back to that old picture ever again. EVER. I realized over the past year that what started this change was not simply the divorce itself legally, but it was rewriting my narrative and writing down the story of what I believed. When you write your truth to power you change your life.

Writing my story for my personal and legal file affected all aspects of my divorce process, legally, financially, and most importantly, my emotional well-being.

I wrote this original post three years ago. Since then I have been teaching women how to write their divorce stories using the Divorce Story Structure. Get your divorce story guide write your truth to power, and learn to ride the wave of divorce.

About the Divorce Story Structure

The Divorce Story Structure was developed after my counsel asked me to write my divorce story.  Submitting my divorce story to my legal file, and having this story in my hand shifted the outcome of my divorce emotionally, financially, spiritually, and intellectually. This structure makes it easy for you to complete your story for your legal/personal file.  If you don’t like to write, dictate into your phone and use a free transcription service.

Disclaimer: You must consult your lawyer about your divorce story and your legal file 

Writing and Media on Divorce

FAQs

Why do I need a divorce story?

Putting your divorce story in your legal file can affect the legal/financial outcome of your divorce. If your divorce story is in your personal file, your divorce can be better understood by family and close friends at a later date. Please consult your attorney about your legal file.

What does the divorce story do?

The divorce story gives readers personal knowledge of your marital situation.

Will you read/edit/write my divorce story?

I do not read/edit/write divorce stories. It’s your marriage, so it’s your responsibility to write your divorce story.

Can men take this class?

Break: Write Your Divorce Story is women only. But anyone can purchase the downloadable PDF, and the forthcoming January 2025 self-guided class. Patriarchal norms in marriage affect everyone.

Do you do 1 on 1 meetings?

Yes, for writing process questions only. I do not read/edit/write divorce stories. 1 on 1 rates: $250/hour or 5 hours/$1000. Contact me for further info.

Do you deliver this class to small groups/organizations?

Yes, contact me for rates and availability.

I need help now!

Contact National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

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Real talk, truth bombs, and tips on how to ride the wave of divorce.